


Choreography

by needleyecandy



Series: Silly September [12]
Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, Strippers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1988. </p><p>Def Leppard is at the top of the charts, gasoline is cheap and so is fun, and Thor and Loki are so well endowed that if anyone gets a glimpse they'll have no peace at all. </p><p>Everything is great until their car breaks down and the strip club is the only place willing to let them earn some money.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choreography

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by SNL Thor and these videos (NSFW): [1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdOsFPf5k-g), [2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Q5hZdZ_Bg), [3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hySoCSoH-g8). I have a ridiculous amount of love for these videos, if you know of any more please do tell me.
> 
> If you feel like listening to their stripping music while reading, it's [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UIB9Y4OFPs). 
> 
> Enjoy!

It wasn't that they were embarrassed by their cocks. If that was what the guy behind the desk wanted to think, though, that was fine with them. The truth was much more tiresome. Once people caught a glimpse, there was no peace. Just two states back, Loki had been driving while Thor had his feet up on the dash, and his shorts had ridden up a little too far. Loki made fun of him until someone in a minivan got a glimpse of it (or rather, of the end of it, and in particular, its proximity to his kneecap) and followed them until they hit a clear patch and Loki could floor it and lose the trail. ( _It could just as easily have happened to you,_ Thor had said. _No way,_ Loki had answered. _When I sit like that, I tuck._ ) 

"Please. We really need the money to fix our car," Thor begged. 

"This is a nudie bar, kid. You gotta go nude, that's what the people pay for." 

"We will!" Loki said urgently. "We will be nude. We just want to use a few records in our act." 

"Records?" 

"We don't even need to borrow them. We have some in the car. Please. We're supposed to be home in two days, our parents will be worried sick if we don’t show up." 

The man leaned forward and looked at the appointment book that sat open before him, covered in scrawls too messy to be read upside down, no matter how hard Loki tried. "Well, you're in luck. One of my regular boys is on vacation this week. I'm going to give a couple other guys extra time, but you can have the start. Ten minutes." 

"Thank you!" Thor said. 

"Really, you won't regret it. We promise," Loki said. 

***** 

It could have been worse, they supposed. The car could have broken down in the middle of nowhere, rather than just refusing to start one morning. And for a shitty chain motel, their room was surprisingly okay. Their bed could have been more comfortable, but at least everything seemed clean. It was okay enough to stay until the car was fixed. The mechanic already had the parts, too. They just needed the money to pay for the work. And, most important of all - their act had taken first place in the student talent show, and the strip club had an open slot. They were set. 

The diner across the street from the motel had decent grilled cheese sandwiches, terrible coffee, and fantastic pie, they had already discovered. They sat facing each other in a booth, the seats made of cracking red vinyl with silver glitter suspended in it. They idly played footsie and winced each time their sweat-dampened skin ripped away from the seat cover. 

"None of this would have happened if dad had just given us his credit card," Loki grumbled. 

"You know that'll never happen. Anyway, then we'd have to explain why we're in Nevada instead of at that educational thing up north. Rule number one of rulebreaking: never leave a paper trail." 

"Yeah, I guess that's true." 

Thor beamed. "Stick with me, baby. I'll never lead you wrong." 

"You're leading me to a nudie bar where I'm going to dance naked for a bunch of drunk women twice my age." 

"See?" Thor said. 

***** 

It turned out that Loki had only been half-right about the women in the audience. They were twice his age, yes. But they were just trickling in the door, nowhere near drunk, when the five-minute signal was given. It didn't take a veteran stripper to know that it boded ill for their tips. They were hardly in a position to negotiate a better time slot, though. Maybe if they proved popular enough, they'd be allowed a little more stage time tomorrow. At least enough for a third song. 

The air conditioning was amped up, aimed more at the comfort of the performers onstage under the hot lights than those waiting behind the ratty curtain, and they shivered as they stood there, waiting, holding their records. They had requested to take the stage in darkness, and they listened as the DJ rattled off their fake resumes, claiming that they had stripped in LA, Vegas, Miami... and then the lights went out. There was a bunch of screaming from the audience as they slipped out to the center of the stage. Thor stood close behind Loki and put his records in place to hide Loki's cock, feeling Loki's arms brush lightly over the soft hairs that gilded his forearms as Loki brought his own records in front of Thor's. 

"And now, without further ado... the Viking Boys!" said the DJ, and the lights burst over them, shining from their teeth as they pretended to smile. 

"The Viking Boys?" Thor hissed in Loki's ear. 

"Sssh!" 

The vocals started first - _Step inside, walk this way, you and me babe, hey hey!_ \- and they stayed frozen, pretending to smile at the new round of screaming as the audience recognized the song. They didn't move until the vocals kicked in, Loki's hands shooting up while Thor kept his records strategically in place. There was another round of screams as Loki's hips started swiveling, Thor's hands following to keep the records still blocking the view. 

Thor wasn't as much for flirting with the audience as Loki was, but his long blond hair floated gloriously to the beat, so he let it fall in his face as he headbanged, looking totally caught up in the music while behind the golden veil he was fixated, counting each beat, marking each line. There, that chord, that was where Loki took two firm steps, planting his feet farther apart, and there, _razzle n'dazzle_ , was where Loki began to bend forwards, his legs locked straight. _Little miss innocent, sugar me_ and the records came away as Loki's hair fell forwards just perfectly to keep everything hidden, and didn't _that_ make them scream. Thor held his own records triumphantly over his head, trusting Loki's hair to hide them both. _Take the bottle, shake it up_ \- Loki was arching his back, bringing his face up and straightening just as the albums swooped back into place. 

The next move was much more awkward for Thor, but when they'd done it at the talent show, the crowd went wild, so Loki was confident that when he pivoted sharply to one side, bringing one record to his hip to hide the silhouette of his cock, that Thor had done the same, and they were now standing back-to-back, the arms farther from the audience held straight out in front of them. 

The crowd sang along with the chorus, _Pour some sugar on me,_ as the two of them bent their knees, backs pressed together for balance as they sank towards their heels, shaking the raised records as they went. Loki thought it looked more like they were miming someone shaking salt than pouring sugar, but as Thor had rightly pointed out, no one but Loki really cared. 

Once they were all the way down, their thighs now offering protection, they each reached back towards the other's hips so that as they pressed back up to standing, Loki's album was now hiding Thor's cock, and Thor's hiding Loki's. As one, they turned to face the audience. 

The music pealed on, the women (who had _started_ drinking, at least, and thank goodness for that) screaming at their favorite parts of the act. Of course, they were the riskiest ones. The DJ started the second song - Aerosmith's Rag Doll, it wasn't as high on the charts the last time they listened to the countdown, but it was a good contrast to their first song, and it worked well with their hair - a few seconds sooner than they'd have liked, but they recovered quickly, and by the time the routine was in full gear, so were they. 

Almost before they knew it, it was all over and they were backstage, emptying the paper bag they had set out for tips. The other dancers seemed friendly enough, though a few of them smiled in a way that made them decide to get dressed in the cramped bathroom rather than in the shared dressing room. It was only kindness, really. No one needed that sort of damage to their ego. 

"Thirty bucks short of halfway," Thor sighed as he tidied the last stack of bills. Too many ones, not enough fives or tens. 

"We ask for time again tomorrow?" Loki suggested. 

Thor nodded. His face was long as he picked up a quarter. "Flip you for who has to _accidentally_ drop a record?" 


End file.
